29 is the new 39…still uncool.

Today, my beloved wife Elana turns 29! And yes, indeed, we will be celebrating in a number of ways, popping open a cork, going to a baseball game, going to sleep after the kids go to bed (wink wink!), and pretending that we are celebrating something cool.

Pretending to be celebrating something cool.  Yes, she has become more beautiful with age.  Yes, she has learned to wash the dishes as she has gained wisdom in her years.  Yes, she is becoming a career woman in this mature yet young age. Yes, she is my beloved now just as she was at 25.  Yes indeed, 29 is worth celebrating as a birthday…until you realize it’s a birth day and damn girl, you gettin old!!! 

So in honor of the special day and the special year of 29:

Top 10 list for Why Turning 29 Is Not So Cool

10) You’re in the line of 4 boring birthdays, 26/27/28/29. And 30 is…well…30.  No rental car, no travel permit, no license celebration.  Just another bland birthday in an empty laundry line of them. That’s really feeling special. 

9) You’re still considered in your 20’s.  Like the same group as another glassy eyed 20 year old college student who still believes that there’s a job waiting after graduation.

8) You are nearing 1/3 the way to 100. Yikes.

7) Celebrating 29 while being a parent reminds you that you are truly becoming your parents.  I mean, you are closer to your parents age than your kids age. But sure, your still young right?!? Deep breath now…

6) As a 29 year old you will almost certainly be in a daily existential crisis…job…kids…career…parent…who are you really? What are you doing with your life? No seriously, I’m asking, what are you doing with your life?

5) 29 makes your childhood achievements seem further away than anything. I mean, yeah, you were a black belt at 14 but now your bones creak just thinking about taking a walk. Yeah, you were GT in high school but you just cheat sheeted your 2nd graders math problem. Is that just math being hard or just being 29? Yikes again.
4) 29 means you know life before the internet…and that’s not a cool thing.

3) You will spend most of your 29th year answering questions about what you are doing to celebrate your 30th.  Can’t wait huh.

2) You are now supposedly in your 20’s but only cool enough to go out on the weekend by staying home and drinking coffee and watching trash TV while binging on your Facebook feed and complaining that a glass of wine will make you tired.. Yeah, that’s way cool, if cool means you just became a year lamer.

1) The fact that your husband is doing this for 29 means that your 30th has got to be so much better! That’s love wife!

Happy birthday my love!!! May we grow closer this year and deepen our love and find Gods presence in one another.  And may God surround with joy and crown you with his smile on your birthday! I love you and happy birthday!