Morning by Morning (9/30/16)

My daily gratitude for:

  1. Elana cooking steak yesterday for the first, no, second time. Grateful for the steak and the opportunity to watch her cook too!
  2. Aidens joy with playing Little League baseball. It’s his thing and he just loves playing baseball anyway, but he just gets so excited to play and it’s really neat to see.
  3. Scrubs, the old tv sitcom that I still believe is the best show ever by far.  It nails the hospital experience at times and is just quite hilarious!
  4. Elana’s supportive love for me.

Morning by Morning (9/29/16)

My daily gratitude for:

  1. Ryan doing well in the church nursery last night.  It is a great joy to see him be relaxed and have fun without Daddy having to be with him or him come to my class with me.
  2. Listening to the RadioLab podcasts.  They are great storytellers!
  3. My Mom & Dad.
  4. The amazing magic of how humans grow from embryos to babies to toddlers to teens to adults. As an employee of a hospital that takes care of children, babies, and pregnant mothers I can’t help but be in awe of the development of the human body.

Morning by Morning (9/28/16)

My daily gratitude for:

  1. Ryan sleeping till 6:30. I needed it this morning.
  2. Living in Houston, which is so diverse in ethnicities, food, and things to do.
  3. Daryl Findley, who I help getting to church on some Sundays and Wednesday’s. He is a gentle man and one of great faith and is quite interesting to talk to.
  4. Thornley Hoch, a man whom I continue to treasure and appreciate though I don’t live with or take care of him anymore.  His generosity and love of others is very moving.

Morning by Morning (9/27/16)

My daily gratitude for:

  1. Taking Ryan to his first Astros game (the game was for Aidens birthday) and seeing him in his mini Astros jersey from Aiden’s toddler-hood.
  2. Not watching the presidential debate. That would ruin a lot of happiness and I’m grateful I had distractions last night.
  3. The PTO I have at the hospital, which I hope to make better use of with taking mental health days. Those 8 HR periods are golden if used well!
  4. Elana, Aiden, and Ryan.

The Dancer

“She loved to dance.”

The tears streamed down her cheeks, finding no place to hide. In the midst of all the tragedy, she found something else.  After 45 minutes of CPR and high octane staff in an ambulance and hospital ER swarmed her daughter, she found something else.  

As her little daughter lay there in the bed bloodied from the long resuscitation, eyes half open, and the chest still as a lake in a windless winter, the mother found something else besides the terror of the future without her daughter.  She found a past.

I had asked her simply, tell me about her.  I see you tears, I hear your cries, and I want to know about this little girl you cherish so much.  Tell me about her. At that moment, I felt this little girl needed dignity of being acknowledged as the life giving, smile causing, beautiful girl she is. Not the little girl known for volume of heartbeats, temp, time of CPR, lab numbers or anything else. And so the mother found something else. She found the story of her daughter, the dancer.

And she warned for the short moment, smiled in joy, and reaffirmed, “She loved to dance. She was a dancer.” And the tears returned as the memories of the dancing welled up in her mind and heart. But…that moment is when something happened that was so important.  It was the moment the mother made her future less terrorizing.  For a moment, this beautiful visceral memory from the recent past gave birth to the only way forward. By cherishing. By naming what made her little girl her precious gift of a little girl. Sometimes even in the midst of the darkest grief and most fearful future, we need to find one ray of light that proclaims in the faintest of whispers…your pain can’t claim you, your daughter already has and will.

Oh she danced.  And I think that she dances with God now the way she dances in her mothers heart, deep down in her mothers soul. 

Thank you for telling me about your daughter.  She’s loved indeed, I say.

And amidst the flowing fountain of tears, her shaky voice with confidence says simply, “Thank you for asking about her.” And then a long silence and more tears. 

Dance in heaven little girl, dance in your mothers heart forever. You won’t be forgotten.

(FYI- this happened a week ago but it has been on my heart since)

Morning by Morning (9/23/16)

My daily gratitude for:

  1. Aiden pitching in a ha e for the first time and even getting a strikeout!
  2. This moment last night when I gave Ryan his before bedtime milk, and turned away for a couple minutes, only to realize that he was so tired he just fell asleep on the floor where he had been standing. So cute!
  3. Friday. Again.
  4. Sunshine, so beautiful in the morning.

Morning by Morning (9/22/16)

My daily gratitude for:

  1. Sleep. (Feeling the need for a lot more!)
  2. The PCN Advisory Council annual meeting coming this next month.  I am really looking forward to the encouragement, planning, visioning, and fellowship of that group of chaplains and friends.
  3. My rental car, because that means the front bumper of my car is getting fixed!

Morning by Morning (9/21/16)

My daily gratitude for:

  1. Lifeline Chaplaincy and that organizations impact on my life and my family.  I also really appreciate my annual date with Elana to the annual gala!
  2. Chris Moore, one of my cousins whom I love dearly and always hope is doing well.  He is so full of life and willingness to do anything- he’s fun!
  3. My family back in California. Miss them a lot too.
  4. Carter Sapp, a fellow chaplain working at Memorial Hermann who I really enjoy hanging out with.

Morning by Morning (9/19/16)

My daily gratitude for:

  1. Ryan sleeping in this morning.  He slept on me for most of the morning and then miraculously slept through the family getting ready for school and work.  Good, since he also needed it!
  2. The gift of forgiveness, whether from God, spouse, friend, or stranger.  It’s a powerful and courageous gift.
  3. My colleagues Tom Sharon and Pam Krinock, who I much appreciate for their work ethic, but also their friendship.
  4. Our PICU Ancillary team.  A fantastic and skilled group of folks.