As we get Aiden back today, I am full of multiple thoughts and reflections about life with him. I cannot express how grateful I am that I happened to run in the same circle as Aiden. I am so blessed that he opened up with me. I always am. I even have those moments like a parent might where you want to throttle them because they make caring for them so easy. 🙂
But seriously, it is a blessing to love Aiden. It’s a blessing because he’s helped me learn how to play with a child, helped me see another form of love, helped me learn to love when it’s not so easy, helped me to laugh and get out of moods. Lots of fun for me and I love it.
There is confusion at times whether I am his parent or not, and how I ought to relate to him. There is uncertainty as to how to be a stepdad (you who are natural parents will never quite “know” how this feels- the joys, the downs, the stresses, the hopes). There is angst from some that I have to be in his life. There is at times anger and vitriol because of my presence in his life. But the one thing that cannot be taken away, denied, scared out, or destroyed is that I love that child.
When I play with him, I can’t help but want you to smile because I want my son to have joy. When I help put you to bed, I can’t say have a good night without saying I love you. When I make breakfast for you, I can’t help but do it remembering my dad making pancakes and breakfast sandwiches and having the joy of being dad. When I go out to the Bounce House or a Texans game, I watch over you and guard you because you are more than a wonderful kid I get to play with. Perhaps I am different than most real parents with you because I can’t take for granted putting on your socks and shoes, cleaning the sheets after you blanketed your own blankets in vomit, or having a funny conversation with you, or riding a bike to the park. I don’t take any of this for granted.
You’re father I am not, your parent I may or may not be, but I can’t help but smile that God gave me the opportunity to love you as though I were!